


zinnia

by worry



Series: heartbreaks and earthquakes [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode: s02e03 Parabatai Lost, Gen, Missing Scene, is raphael & elaine even a tag .. it is now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 03:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9366467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worry/pseuds/worry
Summary: The situation is flavored like Raphael's past, it rots his fangs; Camille is still gone. Simon still hasn't found her. He doesn'tgetit: Camille wants and wants, the only thing she ever did correctly waswanting,being insatiable and grotesque, and now she wantsblood.His blood, the clan's blood. There isn't a difference. Raphael is the clan. Or: the clan is Raphael. They all live inside of him. They all make him better. Raphael is an amalgam of every vampire he has ever known.(That includes Simon,we're your family now,but--)Elaine Lewis is beautiful. The situation is flavored like Raphael's past. He thinks, for a moment, about his own mother.And then he stops, the thought fading as quickly as it came.





	

**Author's Note:**

> apparently i'm naming every fic in this series after a flower :p
> 
>  
> 
> _from youth to old age the zinnia endures._

The situation is flavored like Raphael's past, it rots his fangs; Camille is still gone. Simon still hasn't found her. He doesn't _get_ it: Camille wants and wants, the only thing she ever did correctly was  _wanting,_ being insatiable and grotesque, and now she wants  _blood._ His blood, the clan's blood. There isn't a difference. Raphael is the clan. Or: the clan is Raphael. They all live inside of him. They all make him better. Raphael is an amalgam of every vampire he has ever known.

 

(That includes Simon,  _we're your family now,_ but—)

 

Elaine Lewis is beautiful. The situation is flavored like Raphael's past. He thinks, for a moment, about his own mother.

 

And then he stops, the thought fading as quickly as it came.

 

"Excuse me," he says as he approaches her. Raphael is very good at lying -  _I'll kill him for you. Take him, go. Get out of here and don't come back._ It feels like lying is his entire being now, Raphael Santiago composed of lie after lie. The vampires are his reason for holding on, and lying is slipping out of that grasp. He has to keep this appearance up, this facade.

 

Find Camille.

 

"Yes?" she says, and her voice makes him slow. His mother's voice was always kind. He barely remembers her now; after a while all memories fade, when you live this life. But she was  _soft,_ he remembers, so kind and loving. Sacred. Raphael thinks for a moment about -

 

_"Oh, Raphael," she says, words the kind of soft that Raphael will never be. "You've gotten taller."_

 

 _-_ kindness.

 

(Find Camille.)

 

"You're Simon's mother, right?"

 

Elaine clutches her chest. "Yes, yes, I'm Simon's mother. You know him? Is he okay? He hasn't returned any of my calls..."

 

"Simon is fine," he says. He gestures to the chair across from her. "May I?"

 

"Of course, please."

 

_"Of course," she says, and pulls Raphael closer. "Tell me what happened. I love you so much."_

Raphael bites the inside of his mouth. The copper taste that swirls in afterwards is comforting, blood always being a comfort to him. Even in unfortunate situations, like this. _Unfortunate._ He sits down and banishes all memories, focuses on fabricating a lie.

 

Simon talked, often, about his band. Rock Solid Panda. Champagne Enema. Music, he said, filled him with life.  _It just kinda made everything okay, you know? You probably don't know._ Music helped Simon, in the way that blood helps Raphael. In that aching way.

 

"I'm Raphael, the manager of Simon's band," he says. "He didn't tell you?"

 

"The - the manager of Simon's band?"

 

He smiles. "That's me."

 

"What's going on with Simon?"

 

"Everything's alright. Don't worry, Mrs. Lewis. He's okay, but I can't believe he didn't tell you. We're on tour."

 

Elaine's face twists from shock into pure, _pure_  light. "That's so wonderful. Why wouldn't Simon tell me? He loves his band so much, I thought I'd be the first person he would tell if anything like this ever happened."

 

"Well, see," Raphael says, "Simon has been... dealing with a lot of things. A lot has changed with him." Raphael considers spilling everything out;  _he fucked up and now he's just a nuisance. At one point I cared for him. Maybe I still do. No. But. He's still useful._ But he imagines his own mother again, light on what he can remember of her face, and says: "I'm sure you know how hard it is for Simon to process things."

 

"Oh, yeah," she laughs. "It does take him a while. It's endearing."

 

"We made it big, and that's been a difficult realization, you know? So used to thinking that his life was going to always be normal and mundane, and now that things are different... you can imagine how he must be feeling. How anyone in this situation would be feeling."

 

Elaine, still smiling, takes his hand. Raphael flinches for a moment, and then eases into the touch. This situation is just too unfortunate. "Thank you for telling me, Raphael. I wish I could see Simon and tell him how proud I am."

 

"That's great, because we were supposed to meet up here. He should be here soon."

 

"Really?"

 

"If he follows through, that is."

 

"He will. I know he will. I've missed him so much."

 

Elaine is still holding his hand. He can't get used to this.

 

Find Camille.

 

"Um," Raphael says, collecting himself, pulling away from Elaine's touch, "why don't I get you something to drink while we wait? Do you like hot chocolate?"

 

"Oh, you don't have to—"

 

"I insist."

 

Elaine studies him quickly, and Raphael almost thinks that the lie is coming undone. Unraveling, just like everything else in his life. The Clave wants to burn him alive. Camille wants to kill him. The clan is divided. His family is in danger.

 

"Hot chocolate is good. I love it, thank you."

 

Raphael walks away, breathes in, breathes out. Every thought about his human life has left him.

 

When he returns, the mug burning his cold,  _cold_ hands, Simon is with his mother.

 

So he does what he does best: lies. Threatens.

 

This is who he is. This is who he always will be.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is all I'm going to write on 2x03, mostly because I didn't really like that episode but also because I don't have inspiration for anything else lmao. Kudos and comments if u liked it always appreciated! Please tell me what you think, thanks!


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